Being a Cubs Fan

Before 2007, being a Cubs fan was like being a loser in high school. You would constantly see your peers having fun and making friends while you sat alone in the lunchroom. Not all alone, however. You still had two buddies that you could relate to but eventually they outgrew you.

The Boston Red Sox
In 2004, when your one and only friend who knew what you were going through not only managed to find a date for the prom, he even managed to score it was like having him move away. Now you had nobody to relate to, to grieve with, or no shoulder to cry on. You were left with that fat, ugly kid that nobody liked because he was smelly and mean. But still, he had no friends and definitely had no date to the prom.

The Chicago White Sox
2005 rolls along and all of sudden, the fat, smelly, mean kid has dropped a few pounds, learned of deodorant and developed a somewhat friendly demeanor. He has a date to the prom and also scores. This is a low point for the loser. He is all alone and unmatched in his futility. Not to mention, you live on the same block as his family and you are forced to endure their jeers as they celebrate their kids conquest.

The St. Louis Cardinals
2006 finds you all alone and the only joy you get is teasing the dumb kid in class. Sure he has had his share of dates and even gotten lucky but that was a long time ago. Nobody has been nice to him in years but all of sudden, for no discernible reason, he is the prom king. Nobody knows how he won or why, but they accept it and even celebrate it.

The Chicago Cubs
2007, all your pimples are cleared up, you have a new teacher named Sweet Lou who is a little crazy at times but teaches valuable lessons, and you have a shot at the hottest girl in school. Lots of things go wrong to start the year but thanks to your new teacher, you now know how to overcome and continue in stride. The prom is still a ways off but your chances of getting a date look better each day. Who knows how it will wind up, but one thing is for sure: If you can score on prom night, even God herself will hear your joyous screams.